I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
