apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
