well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
