His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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