My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
