I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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