Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
