Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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