i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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