Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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