'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
