Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
