Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
