It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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