Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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