Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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