my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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