and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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