I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
