Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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