I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
