Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
it's great music for shaving your balls
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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