she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
