I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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