There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
