Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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