hotel room ftw
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
