Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
it's like iHOP with fire
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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