I bet he comes in French.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
