I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
