While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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