i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
