Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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