I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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