is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
