where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
