On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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