im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
