we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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