So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
