my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
