Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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