**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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