I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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