He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
