Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
