It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
