May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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