If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
soo... how was my night?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
