I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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