There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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