Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
