Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
