omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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