Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
