Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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