my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
