I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
