The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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