were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
