We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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