guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
