I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
