im drinking this country out of the recession.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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