girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
