Just mADE A PArabola og urine
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
