you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
