Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
