Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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