I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
