How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
