i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
