she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize