I wish I could punch you in the face.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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