What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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