you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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