Apparently you make a good broom.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
